did you get it up for her today? your mommy would have been proud! you think I can't see what you're doing even when I'm not there?

If you want I can do the same thing. he's only a phone call away!

I'm going to try and get an answer out of you one last time. I know you are afraid to e-mail me for fear of jail, yet you e-mailed indirectly, Shannon, who was furious with me for resoponding to you. She's still very hurt and angry. She doesn't know you as well as I do. Anyway, I'm not into head games. I was furious with you for not sending support money, then it dawned on me just the other day, that the day you came home from SGW and lost the magazine account, and said you got a job for $15,000, and you gave me that card(which I still carry with me in my purse), and you said I was not unattractive to you, and you wanted to make love to me, but couldn't perform, that it was because you probably never got the job, and you were embarassed or thought I would be mad at you so you made it up. It occurred to me you were just feeling inadequate about yourself for fucking up again, and not being able to do your part in taking care of this family ( I know how easily your pride get's bruised) so you tried to cover. Then when I had to get a job, you were even more upset with yourself, and that's why the explosion. It's all fitting together now...that's why I'm not so mad anymore. I do need to know where your feelings are at though so I can go on with my life...move ahead...I need to know so I need you to show me somehow. You don't have to contact me. I already have a photo of your website and the messages to Shannon just in case you're at war. I was not going to the police as I was advised to do, but I knew you could take it down, so I had to do something. Anyway, if I'm right about all this, and you do still love me, show me by changing your mood on this sight to peaceful. If I'm wrong, and you still want to fight this out ( Idon't know why you didn't send the divorce papers then) change your face mood back to angry, and I'll know. It that case at least I know to look towards moving on in my future. I'm so sick of these back and forth games. Either way, I'm done arguing, fighting, game playing...if you want to play games play them alone. I'm too old for this shit. If you still love me and want to work this out, I will be here for you and will honor you and respect you, but I will need the same in return. I know in my heart how the true you feels, but I don't know who you are right now. I told you before, I feel broken when we're apart, but you weren't here anyway recently. I never would have helped you get the oxycontin had I known exactly what it was. It's worse than fetynal or just as bad. You can't control them, and I don't know what it's going to take for you to accept that. I haven't seen you happy in as many years as you've been on these heavy drugs. So do me the favor of what I asked, so I can move ahead in peace please. Don't make a judge decide or I'll know you hate me deep down inside for taking away your drugs and I won't be able to trust you for the next 3 years, married or not. thank you

Yes! e-mailed you my inner most feelings this morning and you hurt me fatally! Your lack of response answers my questions, and now I know you never loved me or the kids and this wound is FATAL! It really is. I can't recoop. It's over for me. The kids will be fine, in fact better off. They'll get parents that can take decent care of them, because they don't have all these problems. I give up! I can be at peace now, knowing you'll never be allowed to hurt them again either. Now I can finnally rest.